fd's fanction about barney

by **salty** May 7th 2015, 2:54 pm

One day, in the dawn of time, from the heavens descended a small, purple dinosaur named Barney. Out of a sweater, he created his ultimate source of power, a little girl by the name of Marney. He was eaten up to 8 times a day, so Marney imagined more and her imaginations became reality. But when she got tired of imagining him, she created some prune deodorant. Then the dinosaurs were more interested in meat, for when they bit into Barney, prune juice came out.. Barney felt immense power and lived for thousands of years. Thus his powerfulness made him powerful, it made him itch to conquer the world. AND SO HE DID. After he was done with the world,. He moved on to the milky way. And after he was done with that, he moved on to the universe. After he was done with THAT, he moved on to the multi-dimension, meanwhile conquering space-time itself. Barney was king for 9001 years. Nobody knew about Marney, his source of power. The people grew tired of his reign. So they tried different things to find his weakness. Tacos, video games, skateboards, any thing that would foil a king, especially all of the varieties of eggplants. Until one finally found out something to hold him down for at least a few seconds. His name was Dino, the Triceratops. He was annoyed with the king for sitting on his house, teaching and singing to his innocent children, and feeding his wife. So he threw a white turnip at him. It landed in his mouth. He started coughing so violently that he slept for five years. The people were happy for that moment. But that moment ended. Obviously. And now, the king was so annoyed by his actions that he farted in his face and called global warning, because it caused global warming and it was a warning to the globe. So. Dino was blown millions of miles away, into another chapter. He stood their angry for 7 years while an old turtle (IT'S A TORTOISE) named Old Faithful tortured him, saying, Wake.. Wake.. Wake.. for he thought he was asleep, presumably poisoned by an evil kazoo in town. After he woke , he said, Finally, you're awake. Dino said, Actually, I was just frozen with anger. And now I'm even more mad, you old coot! Then, Dino stared at a cowpie and asked, What's that? Oh, that's Cowpie, said the turtle. (IT'S A TORTOISE!) What does he do? Asked Dino interrogatively. Oh, he tells you about stuff, Said the turtle warmly. (IT'S A TORTOISE!) Ooookayyyyy.. Said Dino, as if he didn't care, which he didn't. And WHY am I here? said Dino as if he cared, which he did. (Got that, Voice?) (Oh, shut up, Voice#2!) This is the place where the Destroyer of Barney is kept. said the turtle as he pointed through a door. (You know what? Forget it.) Dino said, Cool! Let's go get it! Not so fast, said the wrinkle-faced turtle First, let's watch my home videos. This is my mom yelling at me for 20 years for me to pick up my room. It was cleaned up 7 years in. Anyways, this is my dog barking at me for 777 years. I have no idea how my camera has this much storage. And this is my sister singing horridly for -9001 years.! They watched all three of them and were old by then. Old Faithful was at the point of near-death, and whippersnapper and all that old old old old old person stuff. But then they said, Hey, why are we still young? And why don't I want gravy soup any more? Because we forgot how to be old. Wait. That means. OH N- . The turtle got cut off by the fact that they became babies.. But then they forgot how to be babies and they were their regular selves again. Yay them! Then Old Faithful said, Enough fumfoolery. It's time for you to face the ordeals. What ordeals? Said Dino. Just the ordeals, okay? Oh, okay then. But first, we must give you the right tools. But first, but first, a happy meal. Yay! :(3) Now, go! Old Faithful shoved him through the door. It was a bathroom. Then he pushed something else in. It was Cowpie. Then a tsunami came and Old Faithful was pushed in as well. Cowpie tortured them for the rest of this seemingly endless story. (But he is helpful once.) Hey! Hey! Hey! Look! Hello? Listen! HEY! LISSEN! (:U) Then they all went down the toilet. Then they appeared in a parking lot with a gray cube in the middle. They enter it, and they found Egyptians. Then they encountered a jack-in-the-box (Which Jack was hiding inside, but he is not mentioned again in this story) and they kick it, sending Jack flying, crying, breaking his crown again. (Seriously, why does he have a crown? And why is he in a box?) Then a giant hole appeared under them. They fell for 200.501 years and then Voice#5 said, Of course, they did not age for they forgot how to age. Who are those creepy voices, anyway? Asked Cowpie, being slightly interesting for once. They're kind of like the narrators friends, Answered Old Faithful, who isn't really too faithful as you'll find out. Wait. So we're in a book? Asked Dino. A very poorly produced, privately released book that sucks, yes. Anyway, back on subject. I think we're almost nearly close to barely touching the floor. WHAT IS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN? Screamed Dino. They finally touched the floor where there was a single mole-hole. He was named Santa and liked something called Cave Story . Cowpie said, Finally, I can fart. And blew all of the current cast into yet ANOTHER dimension. WHY COULDN'T YOU DO THAT WHEN WE WERE FALLIIIIIIIIIIING? Yeah, don't you know anything, Cowpie? Said Old Faithful. It's BAD to fart when you're falling, sighed Cowpie, but nobody believed him because he's an idiot. Santa said that the master turnip, which was the destroyer of Barney, was in this room. Uhh, it's in that basketball, right? Asked Dino. Dang, how did you know? My mom told me when I was .5 years old. :D Oh, that makes sense. Says Santa. Then everything explodes. Santa said, Well, everyone, let's get into my ship and out of this junkyard. Wait, this is a junkyard? Asked Cowpie. Of course, why does everything smell like you in here? Oh, that makes sense. As they were jumping into his mole-hill. Inside his molehill was located a giant pillow, which was Santa's rocket. It can go one mile per million years. When they got back to their normal home, the Earth, They found that Barney was taking control of things even more tightly now. And he STILL liked sitting on Dino's house, but he dropped the other habits. Dino was furious, and so was Santa, who was taking a shower. Well, are we here yet? said the master turnip. Nobody knew that he could talk! Nobody cared. They found the Arn Barn, the home and throne of Barney. It was also a drive-thru for poisonous burgers, which Cowpie did nothing to warn the others about. They all died. BUT THEY LIIVED! When they went inside, they encountered Barney with a sword called the Bummorarn Sword that the master turnip sliced in half with ease. Barney was defeated. Then revived. The good guy were confused. I have limitless POWER! said the evil king. the tortoise (THANK YOU) asked, And what is the source of this power? The lizard king replied, A midnight snack at Juanita's Leche Lounge, and of course Marney. Marney? They all asked, even Marney and Barney, for no reason whatsoever. I created out of a swea- He couldn't finish her sentence cause Marney had jumped on his face and clamped his mouth shut. Shut up, turkey brain! she whispered to her master. That's master turkey brain to you! he told Marney. So who's Marney? asked Dino. Then Santa said I'll bet that Marney is that chick NO! she answered. Then whats your name? asked the faithful turtle. (Here we go again.) Mar... she said that for 3 years. IMBOLA! My name is Marimbola. She finally said. All that time the heroes and Barney were play poker and gambling at a casino. That just sounds like name you made up while you were stuttering for 3 years and 25 seconds and we were gambling. said Dino. Blast! How did you know? asked Marney. My mom told me when l was 5. seconds old. said the three-horned lizard. Then the magical girl answered, Oh that makes sense. Then the turnip said Enough talk, lets fight! He launched himself toward Marney. But he was puny against the power of her power. That root is no match for me! exclaimed Marney. Then Barney yelled, You have to get it digested by the Lucky Pig. Lucky Pig? asked Santa. Yes, he has a son named Dirk Brock Marney's hero. blabbed the sweaty purple dinosaur. Oh where do they live? asked the amphibian. (reptile...) (just quit it voice we all know narrator is wacko) Hey who ya callin' wacko ? Just stop you're making Cowpie nervous said Old faithful. WHO CARES ABOUT COWPIE'S WELFARE! screamed master turnip. Hey I have feelings you know! yelled Cowpie. Since when? asked the temperamental turnip. Since I had them! HMPH! snapped Cowpie. YOU DON'T HAVE BRAIN! Hissed the red turnip. NEITHER DO YOU! screamed Cowpie. (GUYS! We gotta get movin'!) then Old faithful said Voice#... what number are you? (7) Thanks. Voice#84 is right we gotta get going (It's 7.) They kept quarreling there for forty years, except on president's day so it would be a waste of time to write it all down. Finally when they all climb on to Santa's ship they used the GPS application they downloaded through the internet for the master turnip to find the Lucky Pig and Dirk Brock's Home. When they did they found Dirk on a wheel chair doing a wheelie with his father on his lap. He had magical power that had the power to make girls drool at his feet so he always wears rubber boots. The Lucky Pig could grant a wish for anyone who possessed him. Before anyone could greet anyone else one of Barney's minions swooped up the pig and walked away. No one cared until they cared. When they did the first one who did was Hatchi the hateful Dog Dirk's goldfish. He got out of his bowl then dialed 911 then the phone blew up and he ended up paralyzed then he had a seizure then exploded. (Sadly he isn't avenged in this story.) Don't spoil it voice#27! (sorry) Back at the Arn Barn the dude who got the Lucky Pig gave him to Marney. (He was 1 year old by the way.) (NO ONE CARES, VOICE#16!) (Geez, what a grouch!) Well, anyway she wished for Dirk Brock to appear right in front of her. Some how Santa, Dino, Old faithful, Cowpie and Master turnip appeared right beside Mr. Brock. Dirk started singing his hit single Let's Brock! Everyone started dancing. When Dino came to his senses he tied everyone up to a backpack. Then he made the Lucky Pig eat the master turnip. Then the turnip said Since when was I food? Then he got out of the pig's mouth and threw Dino there instead. After he got digested he turned into true master awesome super giant but then again not so giant cool cute slobbery smelly weird true true true true true but then again not so true XL 5th edition collector's edition 2,000,000th anniversary edition TRUEEEEEEEE Dino. Everyone stared in awe, except Cowpie who was playing Legends of Madness the Video Game. Then Cowpie said This game controls the future! Uh no it just tells it. said true master awesome super giant but then again not so giant cool cute slobbery smelly weird true true true true true but then again not so true XL 5th edition collector's edition 2,000,000th anniversary edition TRUEEEEEEEE Dino. After that true master awesome super giant but then again not so giant cool cute slobbery smelly weird true true true true true but then again not so true XL 5th edition collector's edition 2,000,000th anniversary edition TRUEEEEEEEE Dino stabbed a horn in Marney's shoe. She turned back into a sweater. The Arn Barn exploded. They were flying through the air. Then Barney said as he fell through the air, I'm still alive soon you will be destroyed by my global warning warming FART, true master awesome super giant but then again not so giant cool cute slobbery smelly weird true true true true true but then again not so true XL 5th edition collector's edition 2,000,000th anniversary edition TRUEEEEEEEE Dino! Then Cowpie warned Barney saying, IT'S BAD TO FART IN THE AIR! Not like I care! said Barney preparing the global warning fart. BOOOM went the fart... and Barney. (Told ya he'd be important!) Stop being so know it all! (Fine! Just keep going.) They all fell to the ground, but Barney did as ashes. Then after that they all celebrated Dirk Brock's 26th birhtday party and went to Hatchi the Hateful Dog's funeral. Then everyone did significant things. true master awesome super giant but then again not so giant cool cute slobbery smelly weird true true true true true but then again not so true XL 5th edition collector's edition 2,000,000th anniversary edition TRUEEEEEEEE Dino lived with his wife and kids forever and invented milk. Santa beat Cave Story But there was a blackout and his computer didn't save the game so he got bored and discovered bean dip. Cowpie bought a toilet with a view, got married and raised a bunch of li'l two's. Old faithful Est. Wake... Wake...Inc. and bought a recliner. Dirk Brock made millions by making millions. The Lucky Pig wore Marney and made homemade homes. And the voices and I, never changed, except our diapers. And they all lived madly ever after,

The
End

- (That's all folks... FOR NOW!)

by **salty** May 7th 2015, 2:54 pm

circa three years ago when fd was only 7 years old

by **cya** May 7th 2015, 2:56 pm

PLEASE READ MY FANFICS. I believe them to be of the BEST quality, and I hate it when my accomplishments aren't recognized.

by **cya** May 7th 2015, 2:57 pm

holy shit i gotta find my really old fanfiction, haven't thought about it for years

by **cya** May 7th 2015, 3:00 pm

oh goddamn it isn't as stupid as i wanted to

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/8826376/1/Fanbase-after-Nine

by **alyaza** May 7th 2015, 3:44 pm

holy fuuuuuuuuuck this is autism hardcore

by fuh duh May 7th 2015, 5:28 pm

firstly how did you find this
secondly this is a collab with neci and he came up with most of it, we were fucking 11 and 9 when we wrote this shit and then it took me a while to upload it so make fun of it all you want
personally i think it's stupid but also kind of funny which was the point anyways
keep making fun of me and stalking me behind my back doe

by **alyaza** May 7th 2015, 5:31 pm

FD this is literally what comes up when people search you there is no stalking here

by fuh duh May 7th 2015, 5:33 pm

oh yeah i guess you're right never mind

by **salty** May 7th 2015, 8:21 pm

yeah its the second result that isnt "find sexy adult singles" or blatant pornography

by **the 4th disciple** April 8th 2019, 7:20 pm

the lost precursor to quantumbound

by **salty** May 15th 2019, 10:13 pm

i think this is actually a valuable look into the mind of a child - it exemplifies childish writing tropes and makes me sad that fd went from being a goofy kid who wrote shit like this to uh what he is today

by Mac B May 16th 2019, 12:33 am

bitch what the fuck

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