writing!

you just can't get any better than this

c. robin, muffin man wrote:you just can't get any better than this

as a lesbian, i have to admit #7 aroused me

#9 is clever

#10 is stupid

what even is this my good bro

it's high school students making analogies

lol these are hilarious kudos to the writer(s)

i wonder what would happen if a professional writer like stephen king wrote one of these in one of his next books

his tumblr fanbase would increase tumblr loves non-sequiturs

Johnny sat against the wall, legs scrunched together in a butterfly position. As he sat, he thought of the woman that he had met, who had grown on him like she was a colony of E. coli and he was room-temperature Canadian beef.

what would be hilarious would be a detective noir movie with these quotes in

detective noir with high school analogies: the book

part une

The detective gazed directly into the woman's eyes; eyes that were like two brown circles with big, black dots in the middle.

The suspect fidgeted with his ring, making the detective double-take. Suspicious, not to mention the man, as tall as a 6'3" tree, fit the stature of a man who could have done such a heinous crime.

The witness walked into the light, and instantly the detective noticed something that he previously had not. Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two sides gently compressed by a Thigh Master.

As the detective walked up the stairs, an unearthly howl came from the attic. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you're on vacation in another city and Jeopardy comes on at 7:00 p.m. instead of 7:30.

perfect

i think you can pretty much put "The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you're on vacation in another city and Jeopardy comes on at 7:00 p.m. instead of 7:30." in anything and make it instantaneously hilarious

if it had been a stranger asking for sugar and not a paying customer she would have told him "piss off" in Taiwanese Chinese