QUANTUMBOUND: by william paul 'sebake "flamingdinner"' baker-sepulveda

get fucked rt were helping fd become a young accomplished author

viubladan ul yangnos wrote:

keemstar wrote:what is there to "debate"

uh you mean aside from this quality trendline?


lol

if im correct we had tomoko at that point & the discussion was way up cuz youd be bitching at eachother all day

oaky wrote:

Brewmaster Mac wrote:

Flamdini wrote:hello it is i will sebake

can the OP please be edited out? It sucks badly enough that he apparently saved what I had written to my hard drive but hey looks like I was planning ahead when I started working on another document

If anyone legitimately wants it they can contact me on Steam

"subtlety is a key aspect you're lacking"

What Did He Mean By This?

try making it not obvious the protagonist is a devilist anthromorphic asian dragon in the first few chapters -- this is why we have exposition and though im sure the first few chapters are going to have striking contrasts from the meat of the novel this is nonetheless a crucial part of storytelling.
lack of subtlety causes an uninteresting and predictable plot. symbolism and literary devices are good for countering this

I don't want to re-read it right now to give my thoughts, but I have a few criticisms for you, son.

Your story needs a major rewrite - only a second Marshall Plan can fix some of your war-torn book's gaping tropes. Because right now, lad, it reads like a Young Adult fiction novel, and that's no good for the real world. Keep the tense consistent, the dialogue unique, and the narration appropriate. That's the only way to survive in a world like this, and it's so true.

that's kind of the idea
as for the tropes i'll look into it, if anything i thought me trying too hard to avoid tropes might be an issue
like i said if any of you guys want it and have a gmail account i can hook you guys up on schdeem

EDIT: AW SHIT i fucking hate tense slip. thanks for notifying me about it

oaky calls it YA because the YA genre is notorious for being trash

very
notorious

Brewmaster Mac wrote:get fucked rt were helping fd become a young accomplished author

eat my balls

1:03 PM - Flamdini: somehow i doubt the legitimacy of the advice of a manchild who shares people's stuff without permission or knowledge primarily to make fun of them
1:04 PM - Flamdini: but yes i know that nobody had the link itself until yesterday
1:04 PM - Flamdini: when it almost got vandalized
1:04 PM - appaloser: >somehow i doubt the legitimacy of the advice of a manchild who shares people's stuff without permission or knowledge primarily to make fun of them
1:04 PM - appaloser: dude i think i know how to write shit i'm the sole maintainer of PNWiki
1:05 PM - appaloser: you can bitch about muh bias but i don't think you can contest that OTRevolution is quite well written
1:05 PM - appaloser: http://pokemonnation.shoutwiki.com/wiki/OTRevolution
1:06 PM - appaloser: and i busted my ass to make it that way
1:06 PM - appaloser: so yeah no offense but your assertion is kind of fucking stupid
1:06 PM - appaloser: and i already showed you the medium article i'm writing
1:07 PM - Flamdini: actually i don't think so but regardless my point is that if you're going to disrespeck me like that i don't care if you're the king of england it's going in the trash
1:07 PM - appaloser: so i mean if you want to discount my criticisms because you don't like me go ahead but to be perfectly honest with you that's dumb
1:08 PM - appaloser: the fact that you're willing to actually consider disregarding someone's criticism of your work simply on the basis of not liking them already tells me that as much as you like to say you've grown up, you haven't actually
1:08 PM - appaloser: i'd understand if it wasn't constructive but if you'd actually read my comments you'd realize that they are and that you're being ridiculous rightn ow
1:09 PM - Flamdini: ok well look the only thing you ever even saw was the first four articles max and i'll take others input on them and my own and work on them a lot but i don't care about any further input because you're not going to get any of the rest of the book because i can't trust you with it as you've made clear
1:09 PM - Flamdini: i stil have your comments in my email
1:09 PM - appaloser: why do you think i don't have the rest of your book lol?
1:09 PM - Flamdini: i doubt i'll look at them but i may
1:09 PM - appaloser: i have most of the rest of it i'm not an idiot FD
1:09 PM - appaloser: i can still comment on it
1:09 PM - appaloser: i have a copy right here
1:09 PM - Flamdini: because you fuckhead as soon as i gave you the link i started working on another document
1:09 PM - appaloser: i only got through one page
1:09 PM - Flamdini: you read up to "a brief scolding"
1:09 PM - appaloser: two page
1:10 PM - Flamdini: yeah but you got the whole thing
1:10 PM - appaloser: yeah because i took a break because i'd already made like sixteen comments on all the issues with it and didn't want to do it anymore
1:11 PM - appaloser: your book is god awful and honestly i was exhausted after writing two pages of comments because it really does have an issue almost every paragraph
1:11 PM - Flamdini: i comprehend that my point is that you only have the first 19 pages because that's all that's on the document
1:11 PM - appaloser: if your book is literally anything like the first 19 i have no hope in it
1:11 PM - appaloser: like honestly at that point just nuke it and start over
1:12 PM - appaloser: because it needs a complete rework
1:12 PM - Flamdini: whatever my book is better than at least half of what's being published i don't care if it's not good enough for you since you obviously don't read. honestly i'd love to see you annotate "the hobbit"
1:12 PM - appaloser: except the hobbit was good and tolkien busted his ass to make it good
1:12 PM - Flamdini: case in point you don't know what you're talking about
1:12 PM - appaloser: yours honestly resembles a DRAFT
1:12 PM - Flamdini: it is a draft
1:12 PM - Flamdini: WOWEE
1:12 PM - Flamdini: CLAB CLAB :DDD
1:12 PM - appaloser: yeah and it's a fucking terrible draft lol
1:13 PM - Flamdini: mmhmm
1:13 PM - Flamdini: mmhmm
1:13 PM - Flamdini: mmhmm
1:13 PM - Flamdini: yeah well i don't know about that
1:13 PM - Flamdini: oh
1:13 PM - Flamdini: mmhmm
1:13 PM - Flamdini: i don't know about that'
1:13 PM - Flamdini: yeah well
1:13 PM - appaloser: FD let me ask you something
1:13 PM - Flamdini: mm
1:13 PM - Flamdini: don't know about that
1:13 PM - Flamdini: what
1:13 PM - appaloser: which level of draft is it
1:13 PM - appaloser: first? second?
1:13 PM - appaloser: how many times have you revised it
1:13 PM - Flamdini: just like twice
1:13 PM - appaloser: because if it's anything beyond the first draft stage you need to completely rethink how you're going to tackel it
1:14 PM - Flamdini: trust me i had to scrap the beginning three times the first article is the fourth beginning i came up with
1:14 PM - Flamdini: i wouldn't call it a complete second draft the revisions were late night minor
1:14 PM - appaloser: alright so you're about halfway to the second draft stage

viubladan ul yangnos wrote:1:04 PM - appaloser: dude i think i know how to write shit i'm the sole maintainer of PNWiki
1:05 PM - appaloser: you can bitch about muh bias but i don't think you can contest that OTRevolution is quite well written

you suck at writing i had to rewrite half my article a long time back because you wrote it so badly

"Flamdini: somehow i doubt the legitimacy of the advice of a manchild who shares people's stuff without permission or knowledge primarily to make fun of them"
"appaloser: so yeah no offense but your assertion is kind of fucking stupid"
"1:11 PM - appaloser: your book is god awful and honestly i was exhausted after writing two pages of comments because it really does have an issue almost every paragraph"


constructive criticism at work

"appaloser: because it needs a complete rework"

getting some serious deja vu here

"1:12 PM - appaloser: yours honestly resembles a DRAFT
1:12 PM - Flamdini: it is a draft"
rt gets served by fd ???


very nice rt you talked shit about fd without providing any specific criticism other than "IT NEEDS TO BE REDONE LELL"
id tell you to eat my balls but i dont think your fat ass can reach them

keemstar wrote:

viubladan ul yangnos wrote:1:04 PM - appaloser: dude i think i know how to write shit i'm the sole maintainer of PNWiki
1:05 PM - appaloser: you can bitch about muh bias but i don't think you can contest that OTRevolution is quite well written

you suck at writing i had to rewrite half my article a long time back because you wrote it so badly

most of your old article was written by epoch actually

Brewmaster Mac wrote:"Flamdini: somehow i doubt the legitimacy of the advice of a manchild who shares people's stuff without permission or knowledge primarily to make fun of them"
"appaloser: so yeah no offense but your assertion is kind of fucking stupid"
"1:11 PM - appaloser: your book is god awful and honestly i was exhausted after writing two pages of comments because it really does have an issue almost every paragraph"


constructive criticism at work

"appaloser: because it needs a complete rework"

getting some serious deja vu here

"1:12 PM - appaloser: yours honestly resembles a DRAFT
1:12 PM - Flamdini: it is a draft"
rt gets served by fd ???


very nice rt you talked shit about fd without providing any specific criticism other than "IT NEEDS TO BE REDONE LELL"
id tell you to eat my balls but i dont think your fat ass can reach them

nice cherrypicking, but i made a shit ton of comments on his document which honed in on the problems

PS: blow me

1:17 PM - appaloser: in that case i have no idea why you're so willing to throw away criticism because 'someone was m e n e to me'
1:19 PM - appaloser: i'm assuming you don't want to get all the way to the proper editing phase only to find that your book is hot garbage and end up having to rewrite it from the bottom up because you disregarded issues on the basis of 'i dont like this person'
1:19 PM - Flamdini: that's actually exactly why i have other sources and i can also fix it myself you're not my book's savior and quite frankly it was hard to read your comments even before i knew you were giving my book to people because i remember the shit you've done to me and i have psychological blocks preventing me from feeling comfortable reading your input without it feeling like a personal attack
1:19 PM - appaloser: > i can also fix it myself
1:19 PM - appaloser: uh yeah no that is a great way to actually exacerbate a lot of the problems with it
1:20 PM - Flamdini: you're implying i can't criticize my own work
1:21 PM - appaloser: you can but it's not a great way to fix your books' problems
1:21 PM - appaloser: you'll either be too lenient or too hard on yourself
1:22 PM - appaloser: you might completely overlook issues that other people would notice since, as the writer, you're most likely biased towards yourself and your writing ability
1:22 PM - appaloser: it's also nice to just get feedback from people who would actually potentially read the book, since i'm assuming you are aiming this at certain demographics which you may or may not be a part of
1:23 PM - appaloser: you could obviously do it anyways but i wouldn't exactly say it's some sort of be all end all
1:24 PM - appaloser: it's a risk and again you might run into the issue of having to totally rewrite when you get to the editing phase because you've overlooked problems other people would find
1:25 PM - appaloser: ialso f you have things like symbolism, or if your book is symbol heavy it's a straight up terrible idea
1:25 PM - appaloser: since people invariably interpret things differently
1:25 PM - appaloser: it's nice to get feedback on that so that way you can refine it into something most people would hopefully get
1:27 PM - appaloser: so ya if you want to self-edit it go right ahead but depending on what you're going for it could be an okay idea or it could be a downright fuck awful idea
1:27 PM - Flamdini: did you read anything after what i memetexted
1:27 PM - appaloser: you did not meme text
1:28 PM - Flamdini: what YOU memetexted
1:28 PM - appaloser: the only thing you sent was "you're implying i can't criticize my own work
"
1:28 PM - appaloser: after that
1:28 PM - appaloser: i'm assuming you're referring to your miniwall
1:28 PM - Flamdini: yes
1:28 PM - appaloser: okay well because that's not really something in my control

viubladan ul yangnos wrote:

keemstar wrote:

viubladan ul yangnos wrote:1:04 PM - appaloser: dude i think i know how to write shit i'm the sole maintainer of PNWiki
1:05 PM - appaloser: you can bitch about muh bias but i don't think you can contest that OTRevolution is quite well written

you suck at writing i had to rewrite half my article a long time back because you wrote it so badly

most of your old article was written by epoch actually

well having to read shit on every single page about how everyone is "completely unnotable" was super annoying along with every other word you repeated

rts a fucking faggot lol

keemstar wrote:well having to read shit on every single page about how everyone is "completely unnotable" was super annoying along with every other word you repeated

i'm not seeing a lot of repeating here spinny
http://pokemonnation.shoutwiki.com/wiki/OTThunderdome
http://pokemonnation.shoutwiki.com/wiki/OTRevolution
http://pokemonnation.shoutwiki.com/wiki/BronyAwakening
http://pokemonnation.shoutwiki.com/wiki/RATgate
http://pokemonnation.shoutwiki.com/wiki/JulienMaurieMort
http://pokemonnation.shoutwiki.com/wiki/Thunderdome_Bonfire

Brewmaster Mac wrote:"Flamdini: somehow i doubt the legitimacy of the advice of a manchild who shares people's stuff without permission or knowledge primarily to make fun of them"
"appaloser: so yeah no offense but your assertion is kind of fucking stupid"
"1:11 PM - appaloser: your book is god awful and honestly i was exhausted after writing two pages of comments because it really does have an issue almost every paragraph"


constructive criticism at work

"appaloser: because it needs a complete rework"

getting some serious deja vu here

"1:12 PM - appaloser: yours honestly resembles a DRAFT
1:12 PM - Flamdini: it is a draft"
rt gets served by fd ???


very nice rt you talked shit about fd without providing any specific criticism other than "IT NEEDS TO BE REDONE LELL"
id tell you to eat my balls but i dont think your fat ass can reach them

jej

also rt listed the OTRevolution article as an example of good writing but see that's where opinions come in and you can't make everyone happy because i thought that article like the rest of the site was informative and somewhat entertaining but toxically smarmy and smug. it also struggled to make me care about fucking internet forums made by teens and preteens

see that's the thing- i could throw out at least half of the comments he made on my book on the basis of "unless your opinion is very popular it's going in the trash". things like "you should follow the principle of 'show don't tell' here" when showing was exactly what i was doing, "when his coat snagged and a seam burst" is describing the action. what does he want me to do, go "SUDDENLY zurone..., the gay dragon,,.., felt his coat resist his FORWARF MOTIOM, but then... pob ... he felt his tail come lose... (no...) it's not the event of the fucking century

How could the Wiki be so stupid

Flamdini wrote:things like "you should follow the principle of 'show don't tell' here" when showing was exactly what i was doing, "when his coat snagged and a seam burst" is describing the action. what does he want me to do, go "SUDDENLY zurone..., the gay dragon,,.., felt his coat resist his FORWARF MOTIOM, but then... pob ... he felt his tail come lose... (no...) it's not the event of the fucking century

you aren't descriptive enough though, i mean, isn't it an important event in that moment because his identity could be revealed? if it wasn't relevant it wouldn't be in the story

& the wiki is annoyingly smug in places where it doesn't need to be

keemstar wrote:

Flamdini wrote:things like "you should follow the principle of 'show don't tell' here" when showing was exactly what i was doing, "when his coat snagged and a seam burst" is describing the action. what does he want me to do, go "SUDDENLY zurone..., the gay dragon,,.., felt his coat resist his FORWARF MOTIOM, but then... pob ... he felt his tail come lose... (no...) it's not the event of the fucking century

you aren't descriptive enough though, i mean, isn't it an important event in that moment because his identity could be revealed? if it wasn't relevant it wouldn't be in the story

you do have somewhat of a point that i could have described it more linearly but at the time of writing i saw it more as a sudden event that lead to the more important stuff-
"The foot he was moving forward didn't get the memo and tried to go where this situation wouldn't let it while he shifted his weight onto it anyway, and so the foot he was standing on ended up flying out from underneath him and he landed face up on the floor with his legs on the staircase and his torso aching from the fall on the rocky pavement- but not quite as much as a human would ache."

keemstar wrote:& the wiki is annoyingly smug in places where it doesn't need to be

spinny the wiki is intended to be biased that's always been a part of the wiki

oh and because the header on this refresh was about me (this one- that's a relief. i want to forget otx even exists at this point.n - fd pretends he wont come back to ottd) i wanted to clarify i'm not coming back to stir the shit or anything like that or even chasing rtcity here i just feel like this conversation involves me

Flamdini wrote:

keemstar wrote:

Flamdini wrote:things like "you should follow the principle of 'show don't tell' here" when showing was exactly what i was doing, "when his coat snagged and a seam burst" is describing the action. what does he want me to do, go "SUDDENLY zurone..., the gay dragon,,.., felt his coat resist his FORWARF MOTIOM, but then... pob ... he felt his tail come lose... (no...) it's not the event of the fucking century

you aren't descriptive enough though, i mean, isn't it an important event in that moment because his identity could be revealed? if it wasn't relevant it wouldn't be in the story

you do have somewhat of a point that i could have described it more linearly but at the time of writing i saw it more as a sudden event that lead to the more important stuff-
"The foot he was moving forward didn't get the memo and tried to go where this situation wouldn't let it while he shifted his weight onto it anyway, and so the foot he was standing on ended up flying out from underneath him and he landed face up on the floor with his legs on the staircase and his torso aching from the fall on the rocky pavement- but not quite as much as a human would ache."

that whole sentence is super hard to follow btw

shrug you're probably right i haven't looked at it

viubladan ul yangnos wrote:

keemstar wrote:& the wiki is annoyingly smug in places where it doesn't need to be

spinny the wiki is intended to be biased that's always been a part of the wiki

smug =/= biased

you better watch what you say spinny hes gonna write you 4 paragraphs on why youre wrong and autistic for disagreeing with him