mac b's diy general

^^^^^^
do the monster mash

fuck it
im gonna try stovetop stillin tonight
this abominable mash has been sitting for about a month, if it were wine it'd likely be fuckin clear by now,
theres basically no way i can get a hotplate by like, before the end of this break and I've got some dues to fufill with this shine
wish me luck and hopes that my house doesnt catch fire lol
if the smell is as bad as gramps says it oughta be (one of the main reasons he doesn't want me to do it inside) then idk shit, guess it'll smell like malt and alcohol for a while

this oughta be a one off thing. i have no plans to distill on my stovetop in the future unless absolutely necessary, which is something I can't really see being. another main motivator for me doing this now is that as stated, the mash has been sitting in my fermentation bucket for a fucking month
not only does it look a little discolored (although it had a fluxuating color during fermentation between pale/light golden brown and this darker brown, I'm guessing it's just a response to temperature. shit, I think i read somethin about lagers and cold fermentation, maybe theres a connection there) but i dread to think that, perhaps it's ruined or something got in the bucket. won't know til' I take off the lid, but unless it's really bad, I'll still prolly still it. also I've had some grape juice I've been meaning to put in that bucket, a long with a few other ideas, so it's basically taking up space.

oonly real issue here is the ass of the still is pretty short, which gramps was wanting me to wait on til he could get this copper pipe on it as an extension (its the same od it'd have to be rigged up or fitted) so I'll have to stack a couple of books so my jars can reach it.

also i think i mentioned somethin about that missing pound of honey i was gonna use for the cyser but didnt get to and thought of throwing it in the brew when brewing the mash
i looked high and low for that lil thing, yesterday when me n gramps was moving shit around to make room for a heater in here he found it. looked fuckin disgustin, all covered in, well dust really, but it was dirty as shit and there was like fuckin holes in the plastic containing it. hoarder household, if you're wondering.
that's six bucks down the drain loll

On a long annoying drive, so I'll pass the time by recounting last night.

Basically the fact that the still's nigerian rigged in the condenser didn't do ma any favors.
Let's see, where to begin...
So, opened up the bucket to put in the boiler. Didn't scrutinize but it looked as, well, mash as I figure a mash looks. Had to clean out the bucket a little afterwards, a good bit of sediment was at the bottom as expected. Brought the boiler in, put some ice water in the condenser and the boiler on the eye, started off by slowly gaining the heat from low and progressively increasing as the thermometer peaked (at roughly each 20... It was a very slow starting process, like it took fuckin forever to hit the necessary 70, but when it did it was easier to work with. Celsius, by the way. Chinks and their euro measurements.)
I felt pretty accomplished when it finally started pissing out white lightning , but there is a detail I forgot to mention, something about the mason jar being stacked on another and the ass of the condenser being held up a little by said mason jar. Not too bright on retrospect.
After a good bit, the jar's a little over half full, (don't worry I threw out the foreshots), then the water in my condenser is fuckin steamin' , which was coming up earlier, but of course the condenser, which is supposed to COOL the distillate, being so hot, did not do any good for the distillate, so naturally I shut it off when I saw steam coming out of the ass - this is of course alcohol vapor, very flammable!
Remember how I said my condenser is nigerian rigged and both in/outs the same tube to form a u shape? That's why the water got so hot--physics just wasn't on my side.
When I turned off the stove I had a minor panic about the alcohol vapor and basically took off the top of the whole boiler as connected to the condenser to empty it out. Haha! Hot water and moonshine everywhere! Wasn't fun cleaning up.
Another thing I forgot to mention is that the tubes were leaking, you know because no measures were taken to ensure otherwise. Kept a cup to catch the leaking water, wasn't that bad.

Basically over the next like... Til' 4AM, was heat, stop, drain, refill, repeat. Water casually got everywhere and I kept coming ways up to reduce the amounts of spillage and such.

First jar was of course knocked over and spilled (AT LEAST WE DONT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT METHANOL RIGHT!!!!!!!)
Second jar was collected following, so I'm guessing it'd be about the onset and thicker of the hearts, third after that so it'd be hearts and likely bridge to the butts, last jar was strained, mostly butts. Last jar, I could tell it was being the butts or around the end of the strip because the runs became spurts and more sparse.
Also, in most jars, shine came out with a little brown clouding. I read a little and it's apparently a result of cooking too hot, which I was.

Packed shit up around 4, ate and went to bed...Haven't drained the shit out of the boiler lol

Overall this was problematic but fruitful. Need to rig the still to better functionality, but I know it works now. Haven't taste tested yet, will tonight.

alright, so I taste tested my hooch first time just now. only tasted the mids, not touching the butts.

well, i always knew it'd make me say "oh my lord" but i didn't know that it would til i tasted it, and such happened
the saying of which is in a bittersweet way

cant really put my finger on it enough to describe it
alright so like
i remember the first moonshine ive ever had to be like, it tasted like a robots ass basically, i cant quite remember the texture though, but it tasted like really sharpie-like
this here, tasted like, at first, like when it hits your tongue, water, but then it sets in and you taste the fire and the shine, which I can only really describe as uh.. shit idk lol, basically
fuck. i guess the way i thought a sourmash would taste like I guess but like I can't really place it lol.
given that it initially tastes like water, I have no doubts that I distilled a decent bit of water along with the alcohol, unfortunately, but it's all still there. just from like, the taste test, it doesn't taste as high proof as I expected it to be (if I hadn't lost the head I know that'd be a lot higher) but that's why i need a proofing hydrometer so I'm not constantly throwing around guesswork, but I oughta get that shit next time I go brewshoppin.
given that, despite my general failure to classify the taste, it has the insignia of a pot still because, you know, it has a taste
thiss is allright though
gotta get around to mixing this shit with gatorade

Bitch you taste like a robot's ass

you wanna taste a robots ass
jenry lovin motherfucker

one detail i may have left out is that, when distilling, there didn't seem to be any methanol coming off it -- i say this because methanol boils off around 60c or so and I started getting results closer to 75c, so i guess there wasn't much to any in my brew, which is good
tell ya, i'm excited to do this shit again.

cousin's always gotta fucking one up me.
20% my ass

anyway, a few people got around to tastin my shine - my brother, one of his friends, my cousin, one of his friends, and a few other relatives who will go unreferential.
got decent reviews but it's obvious that it's a first time -- not bad for a first time erryone tells me though. brother took a shot or two last night with some gatorpowerade zero playing the guinea pig -- he says it's alright but it goes down 'slimy'/ gives him a slimy feeling in his throat, and made him wary about drinking anymore cause it gave him a little onset sicken feeling.
he was real paranoid about it making him sick too.
he advised not to sell any of this batch but im thinking of cutting the amount of what i was originally gonna sale (and it's price ofc) in half, and nothing after that til i make a better result.
i might just keep this for sippin til then. gramps wants to make beer so my fermenting bucket will be occupied for a week or two hes got a basic backwoods recipe (malt syrup, sugar, water i take. i told him if hes gonna make 5 gallons hed need 5 pounds, but he said hed only need 2 or 3 -- I can see that, will make for a light beer though lol. didnt think of the whole adding water thing at the time either haha)




In light of Castro's death, I will be making a special recipe for this occasion.

1.5 Gal Mole-Asses Molasses
10 lb Cane sugar
1 lb of honey
Water (, brew) to appropriate consistency (5-10 gal)
1 week primary fermentation, another secondary in a secondary container.
Distill.
Bonus points for aging 1 month in an oak barrel -- If you're poor as shit like me and can't fathom getting your hands on one, brewer's oak chips or barrel staves will do.
I call it the Flaming Communist, or the Pardo Rico Communista Llameante

gonna note i wont be able to make it til next month or so cause molasses and shipping is more expensive than my right asscheek

im on a tight budget and i want to christmas it up for some folks so im just gonna get like, some malt and oak chips,
if i threw in some hops which i might as well i could pull off a decent budweiser clone, tell ya that much.

god DAMNIT i lost those two whole paragraphs i just wrote
alright whatever
quick update

ordered 5 lbs malt, some whirfloc, gypsum, corn sugar, hops, and American oak chips. without the scalping that is shipping it rounded off under $25

i'm nearing the prime in this phase of this hobby, as I define by being able to make 100% of the product myself -- this means growing my own corn n barley n grapes n what have you, making my own still and carboys/fermentors n shit, all means of production constructed by me. I say nearing because I have the core ability and know how on making booze and with that out of the way I can move on to basically what I just mentioned. realistically though, it may take a few more months to get full blooded rebel batches going.
oh yeah, I'm making a gallon and a half of grape wine (this time im not gonna let that shit spoil on me.), about a gallon of cider. I'm either gonna make some brandy or applejack, but I'm thinking of whatever I distill, since it's just alcohol-less fruit juice after I distill it, just drinkin it or something loll. most likely not, just jokin
and I'll be good to get around to making that raspberry wine quite soon.




But, I bring up the 100% made by me thing primarily to disclose one thing -- I've hit a peak in a hobby when I can do that (if that wasn't implicit) and this is usually a signal to start looking around for another (not to quit this hobby entirely, just to generally take up another)
That said, I have been thinking about different branches to run down, and one hobby that I've considered passively I'd really like to do, and as a bonus it encompasses (rather I would by doing it) the hobby I put on hiatus - Saucemaking. Now you don't have to make your own sauces to do this but like I just said, I will, and this I'm considering is the art of making beef jerky.
Since I already have a little experience into making some of the seasonings that go on bj, and will gain some as I go along, I feel getting to the prime of this oughta be a little faster. Though this would include learning how to hunt, something I've regretfully neglected for a while, and I better get on that fast cause my shaman senses tell me this is about the time when deer start frolicking.
Furthermore, this will be a lot more accessible and I don't have to worry as much about the long arm of the law slithering around under my ass when I do it, and there are less risks and consequences associated with selling jerky!!

just brewed up first batch of muh budweiser clone
then it hit me i didnt have enough supplies for two batches
LOL!!!! Funny joke gram gram!
whatever, most of the leftover malt can be used by my grand dad for his hickory ass malt + sugar + water recipe
no hops smfh
what's important is that i have an american pilsner on the fermentor <3
waiting for it to cool off before pitchin the yeast rn

Did I post about how the beer turned black in the fermenter overnight?
Lmao imagine my panic when I woke up to see that shit
Did a little reading and apparently some light malts ironically turn deep dark in the fermenter for generally unknown reasons (as far as I can see) but it can be attributed to over-boiling, which I may have most likely done.
Oh, I was fermenting on the hops by the way, so it'll be a bitch to rack it and the lees off, even moreso considering I don't have any racking equipment and the large size of the mouth of my fermenter would basically require me to pour it in a bigass bowl or something first -- I'd need 2 people to pour it straight into a coffee-filtered funnel right into a bottle and while I can trust people I need to to do that, there's ample room for error which I'm not up for taking.

I haven't observed the airlock to bubble any for like a day or two, which means to me fermentation has most likely slowed - I'll have to read up again on troubleshooting this, however tomorrow marks the week mark of being done with primary fermentation - Of course it won't actually be done (most likely) because it stopped but I reckon a few more days of active fermentation oughta do it, so I'll have to get on that pretty soon. I have no secondary, so if I wait out secondary fermentation which I oughta do, it'd have to be done in the primary, which of course isn't very effecient but what can ya do?
The beer has lightened up a bit, though, I think. It's still around deep cola dark but it should be fine. Wouldn't be surprised if the fermentation stopped over the cold weather. Even though my whole setup is right next to this bigass kerosene heater, I don't think it's getting much heat from it.

Worst case scenario, I have to bottle it like it is and it turns out decently bitter. Actually, worst case scenario is that is somehow oxidized or worse, got some contamination, but I'm keeping my hopes up. Won't have a good idea of either til I open up that lid, and only a taste test is really gonna tell me if it went wrong.
If it just turns out to be bitter, I'll just distill it off into malt liquor. I've been thinking of keeping that as my backup plan since the bitter cider.
Experience is experience.

Did a little reading and gathered that it is pretty plausible for my yeast to have done it's job in the time that it did - read about some folks having their beer fully fermented within 3 days, my airlock stopped bubbling around 4 or 5 and given that this is about 3 gallons - (as opposed to the original recipe 5 - I didn't do because I didn't have the necessary hops and stuff to whip up another gallon or so but looking back if I just boiled up some malt it would've been mostly indifferent, as I consider that the recipe was a 5 gallon batch and I used the main additives in the first 2-3 gallons or so -- Yeah I'm using a run of the mill cooking pot, so there was a dissonance between ingredient rates. On the bright side I have plenty of malt left.) - I wouldn't be surprised if this was the case.

Still, I'm gonna try to warm it up later today and give it a little shake.
If this procures no additional fermentation I'll go ahead and try to rig up a bottling system. Whatever I've got, I'll wait til' Monday to bottle at the least. The more time, the better but I've been itching to get it out of my fermenter and let grand dad get on his brew - if he remembers that was something he was going to do (lol)

This is also a Christmas gift for some folks, so I do want this to be decent quality and not the kind you have to force yourself to drink. Which, honestly, is how a few of my drinks (namely my cider and some remnants of my cyser) turned out. Lack of sugaring.

Seeing as I have absolutely 0 racking equipment it would seem bottling is impossible. This means I will have to nigerian rig the most nigerian rigged bottling system this land has ever seen. Not looking forward to it, mostly for the potential effects it'll have on the beer.

Congo Jack wrote:Seeing as I have absolutely 0 racking equipment it would seem bottling is impossible. This means I will have to nigerian rig the most nigerian rigged bottling system this land has ever seen. Not looking forward to it, mostly for the potential effects it'll have on the beer.

3d prubt a biotelr

itd be easier to stick a spigot in my fermenter
only way i could do that is at tech and im on break!!

so i spent from midnight to morning trying
and as a result I got 1 full 12 oz bottle (cleaned out Jones soda bottle)
of my golden pilsner
will post pic in a bit
i got this feeling that i may have accidentally made a lager because of how cold is was fermenting but i wont know for certain.

there was a looot of trial and error just throwin shit around to work
basically the successful and now established process is pouring from fermenter to pot and pot to a measuring cup with a coffee filter tied on the mouth of the measuring cup - originally it was going to be an empty gallon container after the measuring cup but to wrap up I went straight for the bottle and I'll probably keep to that

though a lot of the time was figuring out shit to work, it was very time consuming waiting out for the filtration (there was a little bit left to filter when I decided to pack up but I dumped it - to my surprise what I had in the measuring cup already filled up basically the whole bottle, there was still a little left and it mightve overflown it)

one of the ghastly glaring issues with this is the exposure to oxygen and loss of carbonation. I'm hoping the corn sugar I'll be using to prime the bottles (i haven't primed the first one yet) will do the trick.

Also, there were a LOT of clear-white clumps which I thankfully discovered was clumps of proteins. spooked me for a bit, I read that lagers usually ferment cold to get these all clumped up and easier to remove.

beer may very well be infected

fuck me, that was a christmas present for 3 people

if it is, I can likely turn it into malt liquor - distillation ain't gonna carry the bacteria - but If I do that I better act fast.
My brother took a sip of one of the glass bottled's the other day, said it tastes citrusy, when I denoted I had added nothing that would contribute to that flavor other than the potential strength and presence of the hops he suggested that it may have been that the bottle previously held a citrusy soda, which is true as it was blue lemonade of some kind
tripping on details
Keep in mind when this occurred, the bottles looked crystal fine
Also, my brother said something that's got me frantic over which bottle he drank out of. i really hope what I'm worried about in that regard isn't valid and that I'm just being overly cautious.

It looks infected, I want to believe it isn't. Biggest testimonial will be the sniff n sip, which I have been writing this post to put off doing - Idk why I've always been a little averted to testing brews I think have gone bad,

I have had two wines completely oxidize on me, and while that was no bacterial infection, likely anyways, that shit was terrible. Like, opening it up to toss it all out in the back yard made an awful smell

Heeeere's hoping.

Yeah, since these are confidently stringly clumps I'm certain there is surely some form of infection.
Just smelled most of the bottles -- One actually had very little of this in it and it smelled alright. One with a decent amount smelled sweet at best, and two smelled outright "on their way to the morgue"
just remembered I didn't taste test.

Tell ya what, since I'm pretty sure these are contaminated anyways I'm gonna taste test the least contaminated one and maybe get a sip of one of the morgue bottles for reference later.
If I want to salvage these, then I've gotta do what I said I would and, as much as it pains me to return to the stovetop to distill I do so with the hopes that this is the last time I have to before I can get a hotplate. Funny, there's still a little under a gallon left in the fermenter.

I just remembered I kept the body back in the still when I made that first bach of hooch to use it for a sour mash and I have nowhere to put it!
I might just dump it, I'm not making moonshine til potentially February. Don't doubt some grains got in there and scorched to the bottom, that'll be a bitch to clean.

I'll go ahead and taste test so I don't end up making 5 posts on this in one night. This is just a mass of rambling no one here reads anyways so fuck it.
Like my cousin said, it's reeaall easy to fuck up beer. Wish I took that warning seriously.


Just taste tested; Well... Shit, it tastes like beer.
I mean whatever contamination there was I swallowed in the first swig (the main cause of alcohol contamination in brewing is something called lactobacillus which I believe is what this is. Worst it does I think, is make your stomach turn a bit), and in the second swig I really assessed moreso what the beer itself tastes like. Doesn't taste like I thought and I picked up no citrus flavors like my brother mentioned, but I'd need a budweiser to have a decent description and comparison ready.
I've made more beer in my life than I've drank, mind you. Best I can compare from memory is shitty ass miluwakee light which I know even this tainted beer is better than. To be honest, there weren't any majorly distinct tastes I could pick from it, but it didn't taste bad - for a first try beer that got a case of the lacies.
But yeah, if any bottle can be salvaged it's this one.
Still gonna run the still tonight. Bacteria thinks it can fuck me n my projects up, I've been rassling tougher bacteria than puny lactobacillus my whole life. Eat shit, milkrod.

One thing I may have fucked up and could have contributed to the cause of contamination aside from my ghastly and abhorrent way of bottling, and sanitation which I have, here, regretfully neglected to exercise to the best extents possible, was NOT STICKING THESE DAMN THINGS IN THE FRIDGE AFTER I BOTTLED THEM. They've just been sitting between my fermenter and my still because I was too lazy to make room for them in the fridge!
All this makes me question though -- If it was this easy to fuck up my beer, how the hell did my grandpa make drinkable beer in his time? I'm not knocking his word, but from what he tells me.. I ain't sure

Alright
3 hours 33 minutes in approximately, I whipped up a jar of probably sour liquor.
Cutting long tails short, Never buy anything you intend to take seriously from China. I know I can go on hour long tirades on this, but just don't.
I became decently aware that something was fucked with my still after I started running it and the distillate was coming out in odd spurts not unlike what it was like when I was collecting tails off my shine - this happening at the beginning and consistently throughout the fucking run. I shrugged it off, I was still getting liquor.
I became more aware when the still would occasionally jerk to the side toward the condenser, and almost fucking tipped over once. Of course, between the boiler and the condenser, shit was bent, badly, and this was causing both of these issues with a few minor conflicts along with.
Like I said, about 3 hours of watching, managing stove top heat and toiling with this shitty ass condenser and my nigerian rigged setup of it, I squeezed out a jar of liquor. Then, basically immediately after I get everything in place for the second run and start it (there's a beefy bit of time in heating between runs, first takes longest, everything else is pretty quick by comparison but there's of course a wait) I go downstairs to my room and take a swig of mount dew, maybe a minute at most passing at this time.
As I'm walking back up to tend to the still, I hear a loud as fuck crash and 'course as I round the corner, it's on the FUCKING FLOOR and water's everywhere. Thank the Seven Singing Priests of Swahili the boiler didnt bust open or something like that.
Set me straight fucking off.
If you're thinking "But Mac! You should've watched the still!"
That's not the fucking point
Conventionally, if you have a decent made still, you wouldn't have to worry about it SUDDENLY FALLING OVER because some chink dipshit thought it was a good idea to put the condenser on the edge of the boiler - I've addressed this before but you're not supposed to have the CONDENSER, the apparatus that cools the vapor NEAR the damn boiler, the top would be the worst place imaginable to put it.
Fuck the Chinese and their cheaply made scam wares. I could make a better fucking still out of household shit, and I fucking will when time comes.
I'm certain I could've squeezed out another jar or two's worth but I just dumped the batch, that was fucking it. There was a metric shit ton of alcohol vapor coming off the body when I opened up the boiler so like I said, could've had a lot.
Used this god damn piece of shit still once and it's already falling apart.


Despite it seeming crippled and functionally retarded, it's still usable and I fully intend to make some oaky whiskey quite soon. No way in hell will I do it on the stovetop again, though. All issues previously listed would be much easier to work with outside, and I'll see what I can do about bending this shit back into shape.
I'll taste test this liquor after I get some rest and it's cooled down - there's some heavy artifacting but I hope it can pass for christmas.

OP has to dab to continue posting Sorry about that!